When girls think of ‘true love’…
they usually think of Prince Charming riding down a dirt road on a white horse.
Or a handsome fella saving you from that dangerous Witch that is out to kill you and your family.
Or perhaps falling in love with your kidnapper. I am looking at you Belle.
I never believed in ‘true love’. I was never that little girl that planned or pictured her wedding. I was usually hanging with my brother and boy cousins scheming up some ways for my Grandpa to give us a dollar each to walk to the corner store to get candy. ‘True love’ was something that they portrayed in movies. It wasn’t real in my eyes. I didn’t understand how one person could feel that way about another person. To me, it was a fairy tale.
I have never felt the way that I do with my boyfriend. He is everything that I have always didn’t know I wanted. We have a happy, healthy, and loving relationship and we grow and accept each other’s changes every day. We keep each other laughing and he is the first person without hesitation I trust and can completely be myself with. To me, he is the definition of Prince Charming.
Then on January 8, 2014 - Amelia Jean came into my life.
A couple months prior, I had a dream where I was in my bedroom back home. It was glowing and there were all these cats laying in my room. Sadie, my sister and brother-in-law’s dog who passed away, was also in the room. She was surrounded by cats and then she led me to this pink blanket that had numbers on it – 01/08. I couldn’t understand what they meant in the dream. After I woke up, I knew in my heart, that was when Amelia, aka Gleb, would be born.
People thought it was crazy and a dream is simply that – a dream. To let the crazy thought of that date fade away. But, I couldn’t. My dream was not just a dream it was the first bond I had with my unborn niece.
Amelia was born on January 8, 2014 – 01/08/14.
For those that knew me, you knew that children were never my favorite. I called them fetuses and I never wanted anything to do with them. Now, I don’t like going a day without knowing what Amelia is doing.
A couple weeks after Amelia was born, I turned 25. I remember her screaming and crying her little head (funny) off and I ate my birthday taco salad alone at the table.
I remember when I offered to watch Amelia on one of my days off during the week. My first day alone with a 3 month old was terrifying. I never changed a diaper and never really had to make sure to keep someone else from not dying.
One day, Amelia was having trouble going to the bathroom. She cried from 1 PM to 4:45 PM non stop. I cried as I held her because I didn’t understand why she was not napping and why she couldn’t just fall asleep and I was sad and mad at myself because I could not help her. Nothing could calm her down. I sat in the rocking chair crying out of frustration rocking this little human. She then out of no where stopped and fell asleep and I cried again because I was relieved that she was sleeping and I realized how much I love this tiny human being.
The love that I never knew existed does. I do not understand it, yet it is real. It was waiting for me in the form of a child. I did not know there could be so much love for someone else. My heart lights up every time I see my big head smile when she knows I arrived. Even when she is being extremely fresh, I still can’t help but to love her too death.
Amelia was extremely sick a couple weeks back and it was the hardest thing to see/experience. I would text my sister every day, sometimes every hour, to see how she was doing.
Amelia could not breath and would cry because she did not feel good. She had to have breathing treatments and seeing her at the doctor’s getting it done for the first time was heartbreaking, but, she took them without a tear in her eyes and I know that my sister and myself both felt proud of how big and brave she was.
Amelia has made me realize so much about myself.
She made me realize….
That I am capable of loving another person unconditionally.
That I am patient even during times of frustration.
I have a love for photography.
This world is not such a horrible place and you can find happiness in the simplest of things such as a tissue box filled with cloth and ribbon.
That germs are a thing and I should not try to constantly avoid them.
That Daisy Duck is a tramp.
That I can remember every day tasks such as, how to set the table with a simple song.
That naps are more cozy with cuddles.
That true love does exist.
I fell in love for the first time when I was 25.
I still can’t understand how someone can have so much love for someone else and if it is possible to love even more in the future.
Love isn’t supposed to be understood and the amount of love you have to give to
another person is a wonderful gift.
If you are lucky enough to experience it, then..
life isn’t all that bad.
“For all the things my eyes have seen, the best by far is you.” – Andrew McMahon.